party time

This morning I woke up very excited. I found a moms day out program in town, at a church. There are three ladies who watch children for two hours, while you do anything your heart desires. So, Emma and I got up, ate, dressed, and headed downtown.

The actual church building is beautiful. It is an old brick traditional style. We found the room with no problems. I filled out my paperwork and Emma stayed very close to me, looking around at the other children, and strayed a few feet away to grab a few toys, then was reeled back into me. When one of the ladies came and sat down next to us, Emma gave her one of her toys, so I knew it would probably be ok. I hung the diaper bad on a hook, told my dd good-bye, and walked out. I did my normal no-no, hung outside the door for a moment, made sure I didn't hear wailing, and peeked back in to see how it was going. She was fine. Not ecstatic, but fine.

I then headed to the library on foot, just a block away. I was about 20 minutes early, and after trying to figure out if I should go get coffee and just bring it back to the library, or go mail my letter, or how to fill the time, the best idea dawned on me. I just sat down on the bench. I just sat. I watched the cars drive by, I looked at the church across the street. I noticed the houses, I enjoyed to crisp air. I just sat. It has been a long time since I just sat, by myself, somewhere enjoyable. I didn't feel lazy, or that I was being inefficient. I felt like I was enjoying a small town morning, waiting for the library to open.

Which it did.

But they did not have any of the books I was looking for. Courtesy of the best magazine in publication, Real Simple, I had a long list of fiction to try. But after looking for several, I went to the catalogue, which was not working. The artsy librarian informed me that had been the case for two weeks, and showed me where there were new books stacked, so I might try looking through these. After searching for the remaining books on my list, I did what I normally do anyway, just picked two totally random books based on the cover, the back, and one or two sentences from the page that it fell open to. We'll see.

Then, I walked to the coffee shop. I ordered a regular cup of coffee, half decaff, which really confused the worker. I believe it was three times that I assured her that yes, just a regular cup of coffee would be great. I don't know how much of it was actually decaf, but she tried. I sat at one of the quaint little tables that had a wine bottle serving as a vase for a single plastic flower, and read a magazine. I enjoyed a blueberry scone, and enjoyed the mindless joy of flipping through pages.

Meanwhile, Emma was having a ball. When I walked through the nursery doors to retrieve her, she looked at me, sort of acknowledged me, and walked the other way. This is a first. Even times when she has had fun, such as the gym or church nursery, she has always been very excited to see me, and put on a good show about how distraught she had actually been. A dramatic tot, to be sure. Today was an exception. She resumed playing. She picked up a few toys and was very concentrated. I went to her, and asked her if she wanted to go home. She gave my leg a big hug, said mommy, and walked away again. It was a really good feeling, to know that she really did have fun, and she was fine. I don't have to worry :) When we walked out the door to the hallway, she refused my hand, and ran ahead. She was not ready to come to me. She's getting a little independent. After we had picked up my husband for lunch, she thought she didn't need any help climbing the stairs into the kitchen. It wasn't but a moment, she then came back down to earth, and reached for her daddy's hand.

She she proved that she really isn't a baby. She is ready to do new things, explore, meet new people, and act like a big girl. Even though she still needs our hand.