Earlier this week, I was thinking about the last year. I remember some particular things that really bothered me a year ago, on a very consistent basis. I have been so frustrated that I would pray and pray and pray, and didn't ever feel the earth shattering answer I wanted so badly. Nothing seemed to change.

But it did.

I have got to learn, apparently more than one time, that the things I want are within myself. The answer to better relationships, and the sadness that I carry, is my learning to act with grace. I have to learn to let other people be less than who I want them to be. I have to. I may want more or different or better, but that really isn't very relevant.

So in the past year, I can see how my attitude has began to change and my heart has began to soften. I can learn to disagree gracefully, to forgive regularly, and let it be how it is. Just enjoy it for what it is.

I really thought I had come a long way. The very next day I had a conversation that showed me maybe I haven't come that far after all. But I am trying, I really am.

I saw a quote a few weeks ago. The exact phrase escapes me, but the point of it is that every person is going through something big in their life. So even though you don't know what it is, you still can be gracious towards them. There are some relationships in my life that I wish I could fix. I wish I could change things that I just can't change. Even though I get really angry sometimes, I think that I am beginning to see things in a different perspective.

I have also realized that a lack of sleep really does strange things to my brain. Things make sense inside, but don't always come out in a way that makes as much sense. So excuse my rambling.